Okay, I will give fair warning right at the front of this post. This will be directed mainly to husbands and if you are like me it will not be an easy read. From this point on unless otherwise specified I will be addressing husbands predominantly so when I use words like we or us I am speaking to husbands. Men, if you are like me than undoubtedly you consider yourselves as good to great husbands. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being high you would likely give yourselves between 7-10 (just to appear modest, really we consider ourselves to be 10-12). The question that we really need to be asking ourselves though is not how WE would rate ourselves, but how do our wives rate us, (here's a hint, ASK them trust me they WILL be honest). Too often we come home from work and sit down on the couch in front of the t.v. and we consider our day as over. The only thought on our mind is "when is dinner". Meanwhile our wives have a MUCH different perspective. Chances are they have had a hard day at work just like we have but on top of all that they have also: picked the kids up from school and/or daycare, are trying to get the kids homework done, make sure that the house is picked up, get dinner ready, deal with any squabbles that the kids might have, and if there are any after school actvities (sports, band practice, etc.) then our wives usually cover that as well. Then to top everything else off here comes their dear husband who promptly plops himself on the couch and immediately begins to add to his wifes stress level. "Honey. where is my________, honey have you seen________, did you remember to call about _____________, " and of course the ever popular "honey, when is dinner I'm starving" At which point we are VERY lucky if we don't find ourselves ducking from a flying frying pan. Now before I go any farther if this does not describe you as a husband than praise God and keep on supporting your wife she needs your help and is incredibly grateful for what you do. However, I have spoken to many wives, at work and various other places and this is the common description of their average day. I think men, that because our wives don't complain about what they endure day after day, we think that everything is fine and we delude ourselves into thinking that we are doing everything that we can possibly do for our wives and that they are as happy and content as they could be. Have you ever sat down and actually asked your wife to tell you how happy and satisfied she really is? Trust me, it is eye opening and not just a little ego deflating.
As men and husbands we are the ones that are supposed to lead (not dominate and boss but lovingly lead) our homes. Many times much is made of the Bible verses that speak to a wifes "submission" to her husband. We tend to ignore the fact that God requires much more from us as husbands than He does from our wives. In Ephesians 5:25 the Bible tells us "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it". Read those words, that is a HUGE directive. First, as husbands we are instructed to LOVE our wives, and not just in some flimsy "romantic" way but in a deeply self sacrificing way. Catch the phrase "...even (or just like) as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it". Now to truly understand what kind of love that this statement has in mind we have to look at the relationship that exists between Jesus Christ and His church (which incidentally is described in the Bible as the Bride of Christ). The first thing that we see that shows Christs love for His church is that He wasn't afraid to serve it. Think about it just before Jesus and His church sat down for the last supper what do we see Jesus Christ the Son of God doing? He is going around the room performing the act of a common slave and washing the dirty feet of His disciples. His love was so deep and so intense for His church that He was not afraid to humble Himself and take on a role that was so far beneath Him. Men, husbands, when was the last time we even thought about serving our wives? When was the last time we came home from work and said "honey, I can see that you are really tired today go sit down I'll get dinner" Can you imagine the shock and then deep appreciation that our wives would have at that simply act? If we want to say that we honestly love our wives the way we are supposed to we will start showing them acts of service. We are so worried about making sure that we have every comfort that we think we deserve that we forget that when we are being pampered there is somebody doing the pampering and that someone would like nothing more than to feel and really believe that we love them in the same way that they so obviously love us. Not only was Jesus love for His church evidenced in the fact the He was willing to serve it but His love was also shown in the fact that He died for it. The Bible tells us that there is no greater love than that a man is willing to give his life for his friends (and yes our wives are supposed to be our best friends). Now before any macho husbands start thinking "hey I got this covered I would die for my wife in a heartbeat", let me burst your bubble here. The meaning here goes FAR beyond physically dying for our wives. The phrase "gave Himself" carries the connotation of completely emptying everything in Himself for the sake of His church (His bride). Think about that for a minute. We, as husbands are supposed to (if we want to love our wives correctly) give everything that is in us for our wives. That means that her needs come first, her needs are met first, her wishes are met first, we put her above ourselves. The sad reality is that oftentimes our wives get the leftovers. Why do you think it is that when it comes to getting up with a sick or crying child it is usually the wife that does it? I know, I know I have used the same excuse that you are getting ready to spout out, "she is better at handling that stuff than I am". Now if we are honest that has absolutely nothing to do with it. The truth is that we let her get up at 3 in the morning because after all we are tired and need to sleep (as if she is not tired and needing sleep probably more than we do because she is constantly working and going and our day ends when we get home from work and her day doesn't end until mercifully the kids are in bed and she is able to collapse into bed and pass out). Then we wonder and are angry when she is not "in the mood" as often as we would like her to be. Is it any wonder that this part of our relationship suffers? She is exhausted, frustrated (angry), desperate for a break, and wondering why we can't see that she is drowning. Not too mention she is also probably feeling betrayed, hurt, and generally not important to the one person that is supposed to treasure her above all else. Those feelings and emotions are hardly the making for great intimacy. They are, however, a PERFECT recipe for no intimacy and possibly if left unchecked long enough, divorce court and another clueless, confused husband wondering how a great relationship broke up. Men, do we REALLY love our wives? Do we?
Again, if this post does not describe your relationship with your wife than praise God and keep up the good work. Like I said though I have heard from many, many, many, many....many women (women who by the way DEEPLY love their husbands and want to have the best relationship possible) that this is exactly the way it often is. Men if you think that this may describe you or you really aren't sure than it is time to talk to your wives and ask for forgiveness and then start loving them the way we are supposed to and the way that they deserve. We have GREAT wives who honestly will ALWAYS out do us in terms of showing love and caring. They don't require that we match item for item what they do. It is not about keeping score. They want to know that they are loved, cherished and the MOST important person in our lives. We are great at saying "I love you". Honestly they don't want to hear that if it is not matched by actions.
Life does not come with may guarantees, but I can absolutely make this guarantee. If we as husbands will love our wives in a sacrificial way that shows that we truly do love them, our marriages will be 1000x's better in every sense.
"Husbands, love your wives, even (or just like) Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it" Ephesians 5:25. Do we love our wives? Than it is time to show it.
As men and husbands we are the ones that are supposed to lead (not dominate and boss but lovingly lead) our homes. Many times much is made of the Bible verses that speak to a wifes "submission" to her husband. We tend to ignore the fact that God requires much more from us as husbands than He does from our wives. In Ephesians 5:25 the Bible tells us "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it". Read those words, that is a HUGE directive. First, as husbands we are instructed to LOVE our wives, and not just in some flimsy "romantic" way but in a deeply self sacrificing way. Catch the phrase "...even (or just like) as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it". Now to truly understand what kind of love that this statement has in mind we have to look at the relationship that exists between Jesus Christ and His church (which incidentally is described in the Bible as the Bride of Christ). The first thing that we see that shows Christs love for His church is that He wasn't afraid to serve it. Think about it just before Jesus and His church sat down for the last supper what do we see Jesus Christ the Son of God doing? He is going around the room performing the act of a common slave and washing the dirty feet of His disciples. His love was so deep and so intense for His church that He was not afraid to humble Himself and take on a role that was so far beneath Him. Men, husbands, when was the last time we even thought about serving our wives? When was the last time we came home from work and said "honey, I can see that you are really tired today go sit down I'll get dinner" Can you imagine the shock and then deep appreciation that our wives would have at that simply act? If we want to say that we honestly love our wives the way we are supposed to we will start showing them acts of service. We are so worried about making sure that we have every comfort that we think we deserve that we forget that when we are being pampered there is somebody doing the pampering and that someone would like nothing more than to feel and really believe that we love them in the same way that they so obviously love us. Not only was Jesus love for His church evidenced in the fact the He was willing to serve it but His love was also shown in the fact that He died for it. The Bible tells us that there is no greater love than that a man is willing to give his life for his friends (and yes our wives are supposed to be our best friends). Now before any macho husbands start thinking "hey I got this covered I would die for my wife in a heartbeat", let me burst your bubble here. The meaning here goes FAR beyond physically dying for our wives. The phrase "gave Himself" carries the connotation of completely emptying everything in Himself for the sake of His church (His bride). Think about that for a minute. We, as husbands are supposed to (if we want to love our wives correctly) give everything that is in us for our wives. That means that her needs come first, her needs are met first, her wishes are met first, we put her above ourselves. The sad reality is that oftentimes our wives get the leftovers. Why do you think it is that when it comes to getting up with a sick or crying child it is usually the wife that does it? I know, I know I have used the same excuse that you are getting ready to spout out, "she is better at handling that stuff than I am". Now if we are honest that has absolutely nothing to do with it. The truth is that we let her get up at 3 in the morning because after all we are tired and need to sleep (as if she is not tired and needing sleep probably more than we do because she is constantly working and going and our day ends when we get home from work and her day doesn't end until mercifully the kids are in bed and she is able to collapse into bed and pass out). Then we wonder and are angry when she is not "in the mood" as often as we would like her to be. Is it any wonder that this part of our relationship suffers? She is exhausted, frustrated (angry), desperate for a break, and wondering why we can't see that she is drowning. Not too mention she is also probably feeling betrayed, hurt, and generally not important to the one person that is supposed to treasure her above all else. Those feelings and emotions are hardly the making for great intimacy. They are, however, a PERFECT recipe for no intimacy and possibly if left unchecked long enough, divorce court and another clueless, confused husband wondering how a great relationship broke up. Men, do we REALLY love our wives? Do we?
Again, if this post does not describe your relationship with your wife than praise God and keep up the good work. Like I said though I have heard from many, many, many, many....many women (women who by the way DEEPLY love their husbands and want to have the best relationship possible) that this is exactly the way it often is. Men if you think that this may describe you or you really aren't sure than it is time to talk to your wives and ask for forgiveness and then start loving them the way we are supposed to and the way that they deserve. We have GREAT wives who honestly will ALWAYS out do us in terms of showing love and caring. They don't require that we match item for item what they do. It is not about keeping score. They want to know that they are loved, cherished and the MOST important person in our lives. We are great at saying "I love you". Honestly they don't want to hear that if it is not matched by actions.
Life does not come with may guarantees, but I can absolutely make this guarantee. If we as husbands will love our wives in a sacrificial way that shows that we truly do love them, our marriages will be 1000x's better in every sense.
"Husbands, love your wives, even (or just like) Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it" Ephesians 5:25. Do we love our wives? Than it is time to show it.
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